This is called "Talking John Birch Blues" and there ain't nothing wrong with this song!
Well, I was feeling sad and kinda blue,
I didn't know what I was a-gonna do.
The Communists was a-coming around,
They was in the air, they was on the ground,
They was all over!
So I run down most hurriedly
And joined the John Birch Society,
Got me a secret membership card,
Went back home to the yard,
Starting look on the sidewalk,
Under the hedges.
Well, I got up in the morning, looked under my bed,
I was looking every place for them god-darned Reds,
Looked behind the sink and under the floor,
Looked in the glove compartment of my car.
I couldn't find any.
Looked behind the clothes, behind the chair,
Looking for them Reds everywhere.
Looked up my chimney-hole,
Even deep down inside my toilet bowl.
They got away!
I heard some footsteps by the front porch door,
So I grabbed my shotgun from the floor,
Snuck around the house with a huff and a hiss,
Saying, "Hands up, you Communists!"
It was the mailman!
He punched me out!
Well, I's sitting home alone and I started to sweat,
I figured they was in my TV set!
I peeked behind the picture frame,
Got a shock from my feet that hit my brain.
Them Reds did it!
Hootenanny television!
Well, I quit my job so I could work alone,
Got a magnifying glass like Sherlock Holmes,
Followed some clues from my detective bag,
I discovered red stripes in the American flag!
Betty Ross!
Now, Eisenhower, he's a Russian spy,
Lincoln and Jefferson and that Roosevelt guy.
To my knowledge there's just one man
That's really and truly an American.
That's George Lincoln Rockwell.
I know for a fact he hates Commies 'cause he picketed the movie Exodus.
Well, I finally started thinking straight
When I run outta things to investigate.
Couldn't imagine nothing else,
So now I'm home investigating myself!
Hope I don't find out too much!
Good God!