Well, I saw it advertised one day
That the Bear Mountain picnic was coming my way.
"Come along and take a trip,
We'll bring you up there on a ship.
Bring the wife and family,
Bring the whole kids." Yippee!
Well, I run right down and bought a ticket
To this thing called the Bear Mountain Picnic.
Little did I realize
I was in for a pleasant, funny surprise.
Had nothing to do with picnic,
Didn't come close to a mountain,
I hate bears.
Took the wife and kids down to the pier,
There were six thousand people there.
Everybody had a ticket for the trip.
"Oh, well," I said, "it's a pretty big ship.
Besides, anyhow, the more the merrier."
Well, we all got on, what do you think?
That big, old boat started to sink.
More people kept a-piling on,
That old ship was a-going down.
Funny way to start a picnic.
Well, I soon lost track of my kids and wife,
So many people I never saw in my life.
That old ship was sinking down in the water,
There were six thousand people trying to kill each other,
Dogs a-barking, cats a-screaming, women a-yelling,
Men a-flying, fists a-flying, paper flying,
Cops a-coming, me a-running.
Maybe we just better call off the picnic.
I got shoved down, got pushed around,
All I remember was a moaning sound,
Don't remember one thing more.
All I remember is waking up on the shore,
My arms and legs were broken,
My feet were splintered, and my head was cracked,
I couldn't walk, couldn't talk, smell, feel,
Couldn't see, I didn't know where I was, I was bald.
Quite lucky to be alive, though!
Well, feeling like I just climbed outta my casket,
I grabbed back hold of my picnic basket,
Took the wife and kids and started home,
Wishing I'd never got up that morning.
Now, I don't care just a-what you do,
If you wanna have a picnic, that's up to you,
But don't tell me about it, I don't wanna hear it,
You see, I just lost all my picnic spirit.
Stay in my kitchen, have a [unintelligible], have a picnic in my bathroom.
Now, it don't seem to me quite so funny
What some people are gonna do for money.
There's a brand-new gimmick every day
Just to take somebody's money away.
I think we oughtta take some of these people,
Put 'em on a boat, send 'em up to Bear Mountain for a picnic.