Well, I wake up in the morning, there's frogs inside my socks,
Your mama, she's hiding inside the icebox,
Your daddy walks in wearing a Napoleon Bonaparte mask.
And you ask why I don't live here! Honey, do you have to ask?
Well, I go to pet your monkey, I get a face full of claws.
I said, "Who's in the fireplace?" And you tell me Santa Claus.
The milkman comes in, he's wearing a derby hat.
And you ask why I don't live here! Honey, how come you have to ask me that?
Well, I asked for something to eat – I'm hungry as a hog,
So I get brown rice, seaweed, and a dirty hot dog.
I've got a hole where my stomach disappeared.
Then you ask why I don't live here! Honey, I gotta think you're really weird!
Your grandpa's cane, it turns into a sword,
Your grandma prays to pictures that are pasted on a board.
Everything inside my pockets your uncle steals.
And you ask why I don't live here! Honey, I can't believe that you're for real!
Well, there's fistfights in the kitchen, they're enough to make me cry.
Then the mailman comes in – even he's gotta take a side.
Even the butler, he's got something to prove.
And you ask why I don't live here! Honey, how come you don't move?