I was riding on the Mayflower when I thought I spied some land––
Start over!
I was riding on the Mayflower when I thought I spied some land.
I yelled for Captain Arab, I'll have you understand,
Who came running to the deck, said, "Boys, forget the whale.
Look on over yonder. Cut the engines, change the sail,
Haul on the bowline." We sang that melody
Like all tough sailors do when they're far away at sea.
"I think I'll call it America," I said as we hit land.
I took a deep breath. I fell down, I could not stand.
Captain Arab, he started writing up some deeds.
He said, "Let's set up a fort and start buying the place with beads."
Just then this cop comes down the street, crazy as a loon/
He throws us all in jail for carrying harpoons.
Oh, me, I busted out – don't even ask me how.
I went to get some help. I walked by a Guernsey cow,
Who directed me down to the Bowery slums,
Where people carried signs around saying "Ban the bums".
I jumped right into line, saying, "I hope that I'm not late,"
When I realized I hadn't eaten for five days straight.
I went into a restaurant looking for the cook.
I told 'em I was the editor of a famous etiquette book.
The waitress, he was handsome. He wore a powder-blue cape.
I ordered some Suzette. I said, "Could you please make that crepe?"
Just then the whole kitchen exploded from boiling fat.
Food was flying everywhere – I left without my hat.
Now, I didn't mean to be nosy, but I went into a bank
To get some bail for Arab and all the boys back in the tank.
They asked me for some collateral and I pulled down my pants.
They threw me in the alley when up comes this girl from France,
Who invited me to her house. I went, but she had a friend
Who knocked me out and robbed my boots, and I was on the street again.
Well, I rapped upon a house with the U.S. flag upon display.
I said, "Could you help me out? I got some friends down the way."
The man says, "Get out of here! I'll tear you limb from limb!"
I said, "You know, they refused Jesus too." He said, "You're not Him!
Get out of here before I break your bone! I ain't your pop!"
I decided to have him arrested and I went looking for a cop.
I ran right outside, I hopped inside a cab,
I went out the other door, this Englishman said "Fab!"
As he saw me leap a hot-dog stand and a chariot that stood
Parked across from a building advertising brotherhood.
I ran right through the front door like a hobo-sailor does,
But it was just a funeral parlor and the man asked me who I was.
I repeated that my friends were all in jail with a sigh.
He gave me his card, he said, "Call me if they die."
I shook his hand and said goodbye, ran out to the street
When a bowling ball came down the road and knocked me off my feet.
A pay-phone was ringing, it just about blew my mind.
When I picked it up and said hello, this foot came through the line.
Well, by this time I was fed up at trying to make a stab
At bringing back any help for my friends and Captain Arab.
I decided to flip a coin, like either heads or tails
Would let me know if I should go back to ship or back to jail.
So, I hocked my sailor suit and I got a coin to flip.
It came up tails, it rhymed with sail, so I made it back to the ship.
Well, I got back, took the parking ticket off the mast.
I was ripping it to shreds when this coast-guard boat went past.
They asked me my name and I said Captain Kidd.
They believed me, but they wanted to know what exactly that I did.
I said for the Pope of Eruke I was employed.
They let me go right away – they were very paranoid.
Well, the last I heard of Arab, he was stuck on a whale
That was married to the deputy sheriff of the jail.
But the funniest thing was, when I was leaving the bay,
I saw three ships sailing, they were all heading my way.
I asked the captain what his name was and how come he didn't drive a truck.
He said his name was Columbus. I just said "Good luck".